DANIELA COMES HOME
by Ann Bjorseth (annbj@echo-on.net)

Adoption Helper 17, July 1995 re: Paraguay

Reprinted from:
Adoption Helper magazine
185 Panoramic Dr.
Sault Ste. Marie, Ont. P6B 6E3 Canada
Contact: smartot@age.net

As I moved onto the plane in Asuncion, I met a woman who also had a new baby in a stroller. I learned that she had only been in Paraguay for five days, on her second trip to the country. I felt both envious and sympathetic, a mixture of feelings that showed my ambivalence about our unexpectedly lengthy trip to Asuncion. I felt weary and shocked by the extra costs and the disorganization and lack of follow-through, but I also felt happy to have been in my new daughter's country long enough to have a good sense of the people there, and a feeling for the politics and pressures that were part of the adoption culture in Paraguay.

Our adoption journey started in July of l994, when we contacted a private adoption facilitator in Minnesota, the same person who had helped my husband adopt his eldest son from Colombia in l981. (In his previous marriage, Stephen had adopted two boys and they then gave birth to a third.) We did consider adopting from Guatemala, as many in Ontario have done; there were many advantages including a better Visa situation for Canadians and an "extended family" of other Guatemalan adoptee families. But I felt an urgency that was encouraged by the shorter waiting periods in Paraguay, and there's always the "power of the known."

Our facilitator was very encouraging. She said that the children available in Paraguay are primarily infants, and we were soon offered the placement of baby girl, named Daniela, born on August 27. When I heard about her for the first time, and again when I saw her pictures a few days later, I felt that a hand had reached out and touched my heart with amazing and undeniable force. A child had come into our lives, and the journey, though unknown, was started.

By early September, we had completed our home study, and had most of our paperwork in order. The facilitator called near the first of October, giving us an opportunity to travel-in five days-to Asuncion to go to court for the first time. We rushed around, checking off items from a long list of baby necessities, trying to plan for the unknown and completely new experience. We landed in Paraguay on October 6, and stayed in a hotel arranged by our facilitator. Our new baby daughter was brought to us the first day. I can still remember the sound of the elevator door opening, the muffled sound of Spanish conversation, and the rustling of their movements as the woman from the U.S. agency and the foster mother walked toward our hotel room. The foster mother stepped back as Mary handed the beautiful six-week-old little girl to me for the first time. Mary talked non-stop about feeding schedules and diaper rash, but my eyes were completely taken over by the sight of this dear baby, while my body felt the reality of her, slowly, as the overwhelming feelings washed over me in waves. She stayed with us through all of our first trip except for the few hours of our court appearance, when a baby sitter arrived. I didn't ever want to let her go, but since that wasn't an option for us, (our budget was already stretched, and a two months or more stay in Paraguay, waiting for the process to be completed-it turned out to be five months-of loss of income and travel expenses put that possibility out of our range), a short trip that wouldn't upset Daniela's schedule too much but which would allow us to be with her a maximum amount of time, was the best solution.

Ours were special circumstances, we were told, because the judge who was hearing our case was going on maternity leave in a few days. As a result, twenty families were rushed through the initial process. We went to court the day after we arrived, with an interpreter. We were able to arrange for the official medical to be done during that first trip, so we rushed around the city that same day, getting the paperwork, finding a photographer, and getting to the doctor. We were the only Canadians in the group, and were required to do the Canadian Immigration work on our own. This was complicated by there not being an Embassy in Paraguay, only an Honorary Consulate, where forms were available, but little information; the immigration decisions and paperwork are done in Chile. The medical had to be sent to Mexico City, then routed back to Santiago, which takes about a month.

The next day, a Saturday, we spent three hours with an appointed psychologist, taking tests to determine our parent-worthiness. (These were primarily projective tests.) During this time, an interpreter was also with us. We also signed a power of attorney. Later, we had a few hours to walk around the city with our new daughter, and to go to two markets. The weather was just starting to get hot, and the city was beautifully in blossom with springtime. We left late Saturday, after a tearful good-bye to the baby.

While we waited, I continued to search for information on the people and politics in Paraguay. I knew very little when we first started the adoption process, but I learned that the country is in the same latitude, only south of the equator, as Orlando, Florida. As far south as New Zealand! The flight takes about 14 hours from Toronto by Canadian Airlines, with a stop and change of planes in Sao Paulo, Brazil. Watch The Mission to get a feel for the effects of Spanish colonialism on the indigenous peoples in the 1700s (although notice that the native people are played by Colombians in the movie). A second dark influence on the culture of Paraguay was the result of the War of the Triple Alliance, a war in which the governments of Brazil, Argentina, and Uruguay planned to invade and destroy Paraguay. The war lasted five years until 1870, and resulted in nearly all of the men being killed; only male babies and very old men remained. A similar war with Bolivia in the 1930s cost another 50,000 lives. Recently, starting in l954, the repressive dictatorship of Alfredo Stroessner has left it's fearful mark on the psyches of the people. His ousting in l989 has brought the country hopes of a real democracy, although many military uniforms are still in evidence on the streets. The construction of two huge hydro-electric plants from dammed rivers has also brought hopes of economic strengthening, but even this has had the negative outcome of displacing thousands of indigenous people and wiping out wildlife, as seen in the recent David Suzuki show called, The Dammed. From our experience in Asuncion, it is clear that the economy is essentially two-tiered: most of the people, who are poor, and the very rich. In addition, birth control is discouraged, and abortion is illegal. There is a large German population, partly due to the sheltering of war criminals, but also because the harsh land of the Chaco region has-until recently-been a safe haven for German Mennonites. I mention this last information because it has been a factor in making more light-skinned babies available for adoption.

Asuncion is a city with a rich history, made beautiful by a vast array of subtropical flowers and trees. We heard that there are 20 different types of parakeets in Paraguay, and early-morning baby feedings are accompanied by a lovely chorus of birds. Many buildings have fallen into disrepair, and severe poverty is not far away from the downtown bustle. There are few North American travelers except for adopting parents. The city's tourist-mindedness changed, though, even over the time between our two trips; we were very surprised to see a Pizza Hut near our hotel on our second visit. Travelers from neighboring countries are increasing due to Paraguay's favorable retail trade; many returning Brazilians, for example, carried newly-acquired electronic bargains. A taxi driver told Stephen that "Paraguay makes nothing but has everything". We loved the intricate nanduti (spider-web) lacework, and the traditional harp-and-guitar music. The food both in our hotel and in the small cafes we found, was healthy and very good.

The waiting, of course, was hard. Mary had said we could easily get Daniela by Christmas, so we set our sights on that. But Christmas came and went, along with the dreaded full-month summer closure of the courts during January. We finally got the call to travel for the week of February 20; the papers would be signed that we week, we were told. Stephen traveled to complete the process (only one parent is required to sign), because I was worried about traveling with Daniela alone to Santiago, Chile, to complete the Canadian Visa. He hoped to complete the requirements and be home by the following Sunday. However, because of paperwork slowdowns due to two scandals, political interference said to be primarily caused by a judge being up for re-election, and lack of communication between the Paraguayan lawyer and our facilitator, he was still in Asuncion three weeks later. By talking to people and going to the court directly himself, Stephen was able to first find out that Daniela's case was not at all ready to be signed, and then bring our case to the attention of the assigned judge who was very helpful in getting the file completed. His efforts were complicated, and enhanced, by Daniela's presence. The other adopting families in the hotel helped with information, and there was a caring reciprocal attitude among the families that allowed for trading childcare and errand-sharing. A group sense of humor also helped; we came to call our stories of delay and intrigue, "The Days of Our Lives, Ole"!

After three weeks, Stephen had to return to Toronto, and I traveled to Asuncion to complete the process. The papers were signed by the time I arrived, and the new birth certificate came soon after. We went together to the main police station to get Daniela's passport. By this time, we had met a Paraguayan man who helped us by traveling to Santiago with the passport and getting the Canadian Visa. (The traveling was not required, but sped up the process by at least a week). Jose returned to Asuncion with the valuable file just in time for Daniela and my scheduled return to Toronto. It was a wonderful relief to wheel the stroller with my precious bubbly infant into the waiting area for our trip home. It was at that moment that we met the woman from Michigan with her new son. I felt that we had been so far, had learned so much, had experienced such a range of emotions, that I thought talking about it to anyone would have to wait. The simple joy of Daniela's weight in my arms as we readied for take-off filled up all the corners of my consciousness. A reassuring voice in the back of my brain said, "It's okay now, she's really yours". Daniela and I held on tight to each other as the plane lifted off.

It is now three months later. The first few weeks back home were filled with appointments: providing the required paperwork to qualify for a citizenship card, getting acquainted with the doctor and getting up to date with shots, finding the beautiful new health card office with no waiting near the Islington subway station. Daniela discovered winter, and her new brothers learned that there can be events more exciting than Nintendo. Our families and friends have helped us honor and recognize the wonder of new life. As the months go by, I am-it's been said before-constantly amazed and amused by the miracle of her developing personality and physical prowess. Our commitment to the Paraguayan courts continue with our promise to send reports on her health and well-being every three months for four years.

Daniela is a beautiful, bright, and healthy child. When Stephen first met her on the second trip, she slept a lot and didn't move around much, but her openness to him was evident immediately. Within days of my meeting her again, she was making baby jokes and giggling. At six months, she was a terrific sleeper, and although she is so active now that she sleeps a lot less, she still mostly sleeps through the night. She also eats well. She loves the stimulation of new things, new people and new situations. It is so easy to love her.

Looking back, I am overwhelmingly grateful. I am grateful to my friend Stefania for asking one more time, "Are you ready to adopt?" I am grateful to Stephen for his support and willingness to find a way. I am grateful for Tim Swanson, our travel agent, for making the travel possible and never thinking I was over-reacting. I am grateful to Jose Carrera, the law clerk who helped Stephen with the courts and flew to Santiago for us. I am grateful to Graciela, the foster mother, for her calm and careful attention to Daniela from birth. I am grateful to Daniela's biological mother, for her courage in an extremely frightening situation, and, although needing to abandon her, she clearly did not reject her baby. But above all, I am grateful to Daniela for her patience and commitment to life. All of us in our family will benefit from these contributions, and celebrate these benefits every day.

Ann Bjorseth (annbj@echo-on.net) and Stephen Harris live in Toronto with their four children, Adrian, Alex, Michael and Daniela. Ann is a psychotherapist.

For her follow up story: Homeland tours strengthen connections, see Post-Adoption Helper 17, July 1995.

FOR MORE INFOMRATION ON ADOPTION HELPER AND POST-ADOPTION HELPER MAGAZINES:
* Robin Hilborn, Publisher
* Adoption Helper (AH) and Post-adoption Helper (PH) magazines
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* Email AH: helper@helping.com [Robin Hilborn]
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